Hatred

Clubbing

2009-12-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

26Dec - Finally had my virgin trip to a club for ying's 20th birthday celebration. It wasn't a great experience but at least I know what clubbing is all about now. Well, let me try putting my pov in a more subtle way so as not to piss the club-lovers off.

Clubbing = deafening music + crowded + alcohol + dim + dance + scream when you want to talk.

So, to conclude, it's good for a once in a lifetime experience but not healthy for a second dose. That's it. I've tried and it's not my cup of tea. Well, that's just me. There're many others out there who might suit this cup of tea. :)

28Dec - Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. 20. finally. God knows how long I've waited for this day to arrive. Now that I've reached 20, let's look forward to the 3o mark. :)

30Dec - I wonder how much more can NUS do to test my patience. I'll be waiting, for the day I erupt will also be the end of NUS. Damm.

Songs

2009-12-30T04:32:00.000-08:00

你一个就足够

只要你到我身边就足够，使你就足够，其他的都无所谓
我付出了一切，等待的是你的爱
即使痛苦，即使我很痛苦，我也要爱你
我即刻的内心只渴望了解你

不懂得爱情但却希望拥有你是我的罪过
我的爱情常常让我焦虑
你爱上我的话
我眼里会饱含泪水

找寻各种借口去见你
我眼里都是你
我看着你的时候你在哪里
为什么我不是你眼中的他

越要与你相遇，就越是交错
我一靠近你你就转身离开
我那么痛苦你都不在乎吗？
错过我也不会后悔吗？

我知道你隐藏的泪水
把你活在过去的记忆里的心留给我

你是我的爱，你是唯一，你是属于我
是你发现并进入我冰冷的心
即使痛苦，即使我很痛苦，我还是幸福的
我想把我的一切注入你冰冷的心

Hectic start for a new semester

2009-09-03T02:12:00.000-07:00

Right, I've been ignoring this space for some time, but then again I think I have ample reasons why so the case. :) Well first on the list, I'm leading a pretty mundane life, going through the same old routine daily, school, tuition, sleep, school tuition, sleep. So there isnt really anything that's worth mentioning. I dont have to blog explicitly about school, tuition and sleep cause everyone does that.

Besides the aforementioned, another reason's simply because I have no time. Yes people, I'm that B.U.S.Y. My weekdays are mainly spent in school attending lectures, rushing assignments and am struggling with the ever-mounting readings on my desk. IF you think my weekdays were bad, you havent seen the worse. My weekends are nightmarish. Tuitions, that is why. I never had patience with kids before and I guess it's pretty much the same now. So I spent most of my time travelling from place to place and screaming at my kids for not being timely.

-
Humpt, I've very much summed up my life. Just that I'm a year 2 now, yes, and it's not easy. There's a heavier workload and leveled expectations from various lecturers. I've decided to specialize in Media Studies and Research, and No, I don't find research boring. So please set your prejudice aside. In fact, I'm always fascinated with the new theories and findings uncovered along the way. I guess that should be a good piece of news, now that I'm all settled in Arts and has a goal to work towards. It all takes time I suppose. Right, modules taking this semester include:

Communications and New Media Research

Intercultural Communication

Introduction to Media Writing

Advertising Strategies

Structure of Setnences and Meaning

Just to kill your curiosity, I've also decided to do a minor in English Language. And no I am not studying works of William Shakespeare, that's literature. My minor deals with the technical aspects of English, like a linguist. I study things like Phonetics, Syntax, Morphology, etc. Yeah, I know, it's ironic. I used to blabber about how much I wanted to do and pursue Chinese in my previous posts. Well, things changed. I'm still all passionate about Chinese, but not in academia. That's all.

Alright, till I have something more interesting in life, I wouldnt be blogging too often.

Love,

lk.

2009-07-21T22:52:00.000-07:00

천년의 눈물을 모으면 이 맘 다 대신할까;
쳔년의 소원을 모으면 이 맘 다 대신할까;
천년의 사랑을 모으면 이 맘 다 대신할까;
천년의 그리움 모으면 이 맘 다 대신할까.

因为他太傻。。。智厚他好傻

2009-04-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

本来已经不想写了，但看到贴吧这么多美丽的截图。

我又忍不住了。
我预感我的笔调还是忧伤的。
因为如果想到《花样男子》，我就会一刻都不停止的想到智厚。
因为这个角色，我也注定忧伤。

有个朋友跟我说，智厚注定是个悲伤的角色。
小小的失去了父母。
然后是出走的爷爷。
好不容易让自己振作起来的初恋始终只是把自己当作充满暧昧的蓝颜知己。
经历了一切挣扎之后遇到了让自己重新活过来的女人。
她却是朋友的爱人。

如果这不是流行花园；
如果他不是道明寺；
如果她不是牧野杉菜；

如果他不是花泽类；
那么尹智厚，是否可以跟金丝草在一起呢？

可以，一定可以。我深信。

因为智厚的真心一定会被丝草看见。

一口气看完整部剧。
因为之前想到会很纠结所以一直没有敢看。
没想到。
看完之后的感觉竟然不仅仅是纠结。
或者可以说不是纠结。
而是，深切的悲伤。

我已经很久没有这么难过的感觉。
在尹智厚在澳门的码头抱着吉他弹唱的时候。
当背景音乐又想起《因为我太傻》的时候。
我觉得自己的心快要碎了。

我真的很傻心里只有你
望着别人的你
大概也不会知道我的这种心情吧
你的一天里大概不会有我
连回忆里也不会有
只看着你的我、总是默默流泪
看着你的背影
对我来说也是一种幸福
就算你不懂我的心直到最后
想见你的时候
实在无法忍受的时候
我爱你这句话一直徘徊在嘴边
我独自一人 missing for you

原来我以为《因为我太傻》这首歌是写给具俊表跟金丝草的。
直到那一刻我才明白那其实是尹智厚的深情告白。
在那一刻我在心里偷偷地想，如果可以的话，就让丝草陪在智厚身边吧。

然而因为那是流星花园。
即便更改了怎样的名字最后道明寺都会跟杉菜在一起。
携手他们的大团圆结局。
这便成了我连期待都不能有的故事。

每个女孩都应该有一个花泽类。
但是不要让你的花泽类变成尹智厚。

因为尹智厚太爱她。
他们之间已经没有了花泽类和杉菜的安全距离。

他会在别人误认为他们是甜蜜的小夫妻时候从心里乐开了怀。
他会在有人说到这个女子值得珍惜并能给他带来幸福美满的家庭的时候有着那么深情的表情。

在他静静的告白自己神智不清冲动的去澳门找她的时候。
在他从背后环着丝草让她尽情哭泣的时候。
在他满脸明媚的用第一次自己转来的钱为丝草买礼物的时候。
在他在具俊表面前为了丝草咆哮的时候。
在他亲吻丝草手指的时候。
在他看到俊表跟在景的接吻一把将丝草拥在怀里的时候。
在他在昏迷中抓住丝草的手不肯松开的时候。

我无法忘记智厚前前后后对丝草说的两段话，一是在澳门时，二是在济州岛俊表结婚的前一天。当时的他已经是那样的爱着她了，但他却不能明确的表白，不能把话说破，因为俊表是他的朋友，因为俊表也爱着丝草。他知道他唯一能够做的只有默默地守在丝草身边，当丝草的守护神。

对话（一）
丝：如果具俊表装不认识我，我会以为是一个人在做梦。
智：不是梦。如果是梦，就不会那么痛苦。
丝：啊？
智：把你送走以后我才意识到我一整天什么事都做不好。等清醒的时候，就已经坐在飞机上了。所以说，这不是梦。因为你现在就在我面前。。。晚安。

对话（二）
智：今天可能是最后一天了。俊表，如果想抓住他，已经没有时间了。认识你以后，我渴望的就只有一件事，那就是希望你幸福，不要再哭了。像之前第一次见到你的时候那样，开心地笑。过了明天，怕你再也笑不出来了，我很害怕。
丝：不用担心。我笑得出来、我会笑的。因为前辈，前辈在看着我。

他已经那么那么的爱她。
他已经忘了瑞贤已经忘了一切的那么那么的爱她。

我不了解自己
为什么会这样
迷茫混乱
总是追寻你的身影
你把我的心全部夺走
却从我的身边擦肩而过
面对如此的微笑
我却无可奈何
我说这不是爱情
任凭劝阻推让
独自微笑哭泣我该怎么办
I wish you are my love现在回到我的身边
我也不知不觉心悸
今天的我在你眼前徘徊
爱情一定要说出口吗
如此渴望
约好永远守护的唯一的人
就是你
我还不懂爱情
如果听到我的心声
依旧感到抱歉
请面对我的微笑
我们开始吧

-谢谢你。
-谢谢你。
智厚的谢谢你是感谢丝草给他带来了不一样的人生。
给他带来了重新爱上一个人的力量个幸福。
而丝草的谢谢你，只是感谢智厚在他最脆弱孤单的时候陪伴着她安慰着她。
感谢他成为他的花泽类。
谢谢你。
是她给他的答复;
也是她唯一能够给的他的。

我突然发现，越写我就越不知道如何收尾。
这就是尹智厚的爱。
让我心疼的爱。
那天在回家的路上。
天气有点阴沉沉。
我的耳朵里响着《我的心怎么了》这段悲伤的旋律。
靠在车窗上。
忽然，我就流泪了。

- 提笔与
http://zzdonghae.blogbus.com/logs/36485818.html

Korean Poetry

2009-04-23T03:12:00.000-07:00

얼마뒤 ,같은닐오후

니신당신에게말하고 싶었지요
당신을 사랑한다고
그렇게 외치고싶았지요
그게 다에요...

boys over flower korean

2009-04-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

最近看了多一部韩剧 - 花样男子，但我并不喜欢他的结局，因为智厚这个角色太悲伤。当然，这部戏也有让我相当满意的一面，那就是智厚（饰花泽累）比具俊表（饰道明寺）帅！而且，佳乙（饰小优）和苏易正（饰西门）也有了完美的结局。里头智厚与丝草（饰牧野杉菜）的对手戏也很多，但却也因为这样而显得智厚更悲伤，因为深爱着丝草的他只能默默地当丝草的守护神，即使站在丝草的面前，眼里只有俊表的丝草终究还是看不见他。即使他对丝草的爱不比俊表对丝草的爱来的少，但却因为兄弟情谊而需割爱，自己独自承受悲伤。戏里头，智厚的心里戏也特别多，而饰演智厚的金贤重（SS501团体的团长）也演得特好。我呢，有意图在考试后改写剧情，把它写在博客上，请大家多多包涵。以下是这部戏里头比较喜欢的两首歌，翻译的歌词也如下。

星光泪水 (Track 6 - Instrumental; Track 13 - 金侑京)

白色的星光把眼泪包围

在温暖的风中流下眼泪

你能感觉到吗

向着你的颤抖的悄悄话

在白色的纸上画上你

温柔的笑容抱紧了我

这就是爱情吗　

就算闭上眼睛也只能看见你

I'll be waiting for you

我会等着你

不想再让你看到

我痛苦的眼泪

you let me know

像谎言般的爱情

我不会放弃的　

因为是你

因为我太傻 (Track 1 -Kim Hyun Joong Solo; Track 10 - SS501)

只因为我太傻

除你之外什么都不知道

眼里只有他的你

根本就不懂我的心意吧

你的一天一天里没有我的存在

连回忆都不曾有过

而固执地只看你的我

却常常流下眼泪

对我来说看着你的背影都是幸福

你终究是不了解我的心意

匆匆地擦身而过

疯狂想你的时候

苦苦支撑的时候

我爱你的话就在嘴边

却依然独自一人crying for you

依然独自一人missing for you

Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

你的一天一天里没有我的存在

连回忆也不曾有

而固执地只着你的我

却在独自编织着美好的回忆

对我来说爱情就像美丽的伤口

看着你甜美的微笑

我却不能陪你一起

脑海里不断浮现你的身影的时候

胸口冰凉悲痛的时候

思念你的话就在嘴边

却依然独自一人crying for you

依然独自一人missing for you

Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

Bye bye never say good bye

即使把握不住你

I need you 什么话都说不出口
I want you 只能一遍遍地祈愿

想你的时候

苦苦支撑的时候

我爱你的话就在嘴边

却依然独自一人crying for you

脑海里不断浮现你的身影的时候

胸口冰凉悲痛的时候

思念你的话就在嘴边

却依然独自一人crying for you

依然独自一人missing for you

Baby I love you I'm waiting for you

我的心怎么了(Track 26 - A & T)

明知不能去明知该停下

我的心却还是走向了你

不听我说吗不交给我吗

你的爱情真的一刻都无法停歇

明知只会成为难以承受的负担

为什么我还是无法放弃

我的心好像真的出了问题

我好像变成了为爱痴迷的傻瓜

只看着一个地方

每天只看一个地方

那个伤感的地方叫做你

-
好像连泪腺也生了病

怎样也无法止住眼泪

只是一句话

只是我爱你这一句话

都无法说给我听吗

-
就算伸出双手就算再怎么叫你

你还是离我那么远

明知这份爱只会成为痛苦的伤痕

为什么我还是无法忘记

只要你开心我就很幸福

试着用这样谎言安慰自己

只因你走向的人不是我

孤独的眼泪流了下来

我的心好像真的出了问题
是不是因为爱得太累已经疯掉了
无法拥有也无法忘记
就只能这样一天一天的等着你
-
太多的思念已经泛滥成灾
实在是太爱你
只要一样就只要你的一颗心
难道不可以分给我吗难

道我不可以爱你吗

Abin - 坏人

2009-03-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Attuned to the song - 坏人 by this M'sian singer.

Pretty sad song, but I love it.

Lyrics as follows:

那一扇车门关出我们的裂痕

一声就震断了回头的路程

爱无法均分以后就留给你们

也许用伤害结束爱才更动人

容忍的人其实并不笨

只是宁可对自己残忍

既然爱不能恒温祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人也是个坏人

对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔

不能放任所以放了这点痛我还能忍

我是好人也是个坏人

分得够狠你才有借口转身

宁愿爱一点不剩也不忍看恋人爱成路人

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人也是个坏人
对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了这点痛我还能忍
我是好人也是个坏人
分得够狠你才有借口转身
宁愿爱一点不剩也不忍看恋人爱成路人

三个人从不对等

总有个人必须牺牲

那永恒就等他带你完成

你是好人也是个坏人

对我坦承只为了朝他狂奔

不能放任所以放了这点痛我还能忍

我是好人也是个坏人

分得够狠你才有借口转身

宁愿爱一点不剩也不忍看恋人爱成路人

01 - 方炯鑌

2009-03-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

没有认真努力地读书，

也没有尽情尽兴的玩耍。

没有歇斯底里的呐喊，

也没有大胆豪迈的大笑。

就这样，日复一日、年复一年、毫无意义的过日子。

或许，我人生的彩虹已渐渐落寞退色了，失去了从前的光彩。

2009-03-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

最近的心情不怎么样，也没多少高低起伏。看着身边的人为了朝自己的目标前进而努力，看着身边的朋友尽情地享受人生，我，羡慕。现在的我，没有这样的冲劲，尽管有再多再多的理想，在再多想完成的事情，我，仍，提不起劲。。。以前浑身充满热腔的我，已不存在。。。也找不回。。。中四以后的人生，我似乎从来没有认真地努力过。。。每天过着醉生梦死的人生。

几米

2009-03-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

快乐，是遇到那个人。

遗憾，也是因为遇到了那个人。

快乐渐渐变成一种刻骨铭心的遗憾，

但如没有这份遗憾，便什么也没有了。

前几天看了好多几米的书，偶尔想有点几米味道的我顿时不再这么想了。总觉得几米看着世界的角度很另类，想法在一定的程度上也很乐观，总是那么理直气壮、总是那么一针见血。或许在某种层次上，我和他的思维已成了对立的两岸。好喜欢现在这种感觉。。。安静的、休闲的，看着自己想看的书、写着自己的后记、听者喜欢的歌，这种短暂的幸福可真是得来不易！有些压力、有些烦躁、有些生气。为何时间老爱跟我作对呢？正当我想好好珍惜、好好享受这一切时，它便狠心的剥夺这一切的美好。。。

Dear Friend

2009-03-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

Haven been blogging for quite some time.

Nothing interesting in my life.

Oh yeah, I passed my Final Theory Test on my first attempt. :)

So, dont ruin this moment of mine and bug me over my Basic Theory.

Anyway, this song is for all my beloved friends from primary-secondary-junior college-uni.

DEAR FRIEND(S)

Dear Friend - 順子

希望你幸福

2009-03-02T05:32:00.000-08:00

我，喜欢这首歌那悲伤的曲调，那沧桑的歌声，仿佛像是一种离别前的祝福。这首歌，让我再次地想起你，但以后不会了。这是最后一次了，我不会再为你掉下任何眼泪，希望你幸福。而我，也会试着去过记忆里没有你的生活。这是我对自己的承诺，也是对你的宣言。没有你陪我站在舞台，我相信我一样能够跳出最美丽的旋转、最优雅的单人舞。

《행복하길 바래》

《希望你幸福》

그 눈속에서 너는 또

你眼睛又再次

다른곳을 보며 울엇어

望着别处流下了眼泪

그러는 니가 너무 미워서

因为我讨厌这样的你

나도 따라 울엇어

所以也跟着哭了

그리워 나 니가 너무

我好想念你

찢기도록 나아파도

想你想的心好痛

나 죽어서도

我就是死了

내사랑으로 너 행복하길바래

也希望用我的爱来祝你幸福

힘이들어 돌아보면

累了回过头去

나 거기에 늘 잇는건

我总是会留在那里

그 곳에다 남겨두고온

因为那里

니 눈물 때문에

还残留着你的泪水

나 떠난~ 자리에 널 혼자 ~

当初我留下来

둘 수 없어 있었던게

是因不愿看你独自一个人

이제는 널 너무 사랑해

不过这却成了

갈수 없는 이유가 됐어

我无法再继续爱你的原因

그리워 나 니가 너무
我好想念你
찢기도록 나아파도
想你想的心好痛
나 죽어서도
我就是死了
내사랑으로 너 행복하길바래
也希望用我的爱来祝你幸福

너행복하길 바래

我祝你幸福

행복하길 바래

祝你幸福

ouroso -

Again, another personality test.

2009-02-25T07:04:00.000-08:00

Took another personality test. I love to explore myself in a different light through all these small little tests, though it aint that accurate all the time. Anyway, I am a Analytical Thinker, according to this IP test. Analytical Thinkers are reserved, quiet persons. They like to get to the bottom of things - curiosity is one of their strongest motives. They want to know what holds the world together deep down inside. They do not really need much more to be happy because they are modest persons. Many mathematicians, philosophers and scientists belong to this type. Analytical Thinkers loathe contradictions and illogicalness; with their sharp intellect, they quickly and comprehensively grasp patterns, principles and structures. They are particularly interested in the fundamental nature of things and theoretical findings; for them, it is not necessarily a question of translating these into practical acts or in sharing their considerations with others. Analytical Thinkers like to work alone; their ability to concentrate is more marked than that of all other personality types. They are open for and interested in new information.

Analytical Thinkers have little interest in everyday concerns - they are always a little like an “absent-minded professor” whose home and workplace are chaotic and who only concerns himself with banalities such as bodily needs when it becomes absolutely unavoidable. The acknowledgement of their work by others does not play a great role for them; in general, they are quite independent of social relationships and very self-reliant. Analytical Thinkers therefore often give others the impression that they are arrogant or snobby - especially because they do not hesitate to speak their mind with their often harsh (even if justified) criticism and their imperturbable self-confidence. Incompetent contemporaries do not have it easy with them. But whoever succeeds in winning their respect and interest has a witty and very intelligent person to talk to. A partner who amazes one with his excellent powers of observation and his very dry humour.

It takes some time before Analytical Thinkers make friends, but then they are mostly friends for life. They only need very few people around them. Their most important ability is to be a match for them and thus give them inspiration. Constant social obligations quickly get on their nerves; they need a lot of time alone and often withdraw from others. Their partner must respect this and understand that this is not due to the lack of affection. Once they have decided in favour of a person, Analytical Thinkers are loyal and reliable partners. However, one cannot expect romance and effusive expressions of feelings from them and they will definitely forget their wedding anniversary. But they are always up to a night spent with stimulating discussions and a good glass of wine!

Adjectives which describe your type

Introverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, analytical, intellectual, sceptical, pensive, critical, quiet, precise, independent, creative, inventive, abstract, eccentric, curious, reserved, self-involved, imaginative, unsociable, determined, modest, careful, incommunicative, witty.

The Analytical Thinker in love

When falling in love, you can turn into a real surprise package! Normally those around you probably see you like most Thinkers as slightly preoccupied, a little absentminded, and maybe even a little arrogant. You also give the impression of being quiet, cool, distanced and deliberate - everything is true. It is also true that you rarely fall in love because your expectations of your partner are very high and only very few will meet them.

However, when it happens to you, things - especially for an introverted Thinker - can get pretty intense. Then you even throw your previous taciturnity overboard, and compared to your normal behavior, you get loquacious and drippy. But that usually doesn’t last long, as soon your analytical and rational part returns from its vacation, puts the entire matter under a microscope without mercy, and woe to your partner if he/she did not reach the required standards in some respect! You have a very clear mental picture of your expectations and in this respect you are much too hard-headed and stubborn to be ready for any compromises. You would rather be alone than to put up with the second best, thank you very much.

For your partner, the change from the love poem writing, romantic Romeo, to the cool strategist, is sometimes rather bewildering and not easy to deal with. Here, they think they have hooked the great romantic, and in reality you belong to the most unemotional and logical types around. If your counterpart is a very emotional type, this cold shower can lead to a few problems between you because, after the initial effusiveness is gone, he/she won’t be able to squeeze all that many declarations of feelings and vows of love out of you. Once the courtship period is over, you simply don’t see the necessity any longer. Emotions are suspect to you anyway, because they are capricious and you give your partner only occasionally a glimpse into your innermost feelings. That hurts many types very much and makes them feel rejected and taken for granted. You, on the other hand, are uncomfortable if you feel pushed into an intimacy you don’t like, and frequently you don’t understand what your partner expects of you.

The Analytical Thinker at work

As an Analytical Thinker you are one of the introverted personality types. You are not particularly suited for dealing with others, working as a part of a team and be in the position of “continuous exchange”, you would much rather work alone, and dwell on your thoughts undisturbed. You usually put a critical distance between yourself and others that enables you to be the keen and incorrupt observer of life.

This distance can be truly bridged by only very few other people. That is probably caused by the fact that you are not all that interested to share your thoughts with others. Generally it is sufficient for you to have clarified a matter for yourself or that you have understood something; the continuous in your eyes mostly superficial chatter of the people around you becomes rather annoying.

Your prefer to work independently and appreciate having a lot of time and quiet in order to concentrate on the really important things: Structuring ideas, comprehending complex causalities, understanding of the universe, its rules and the logical analysis of systems. You absorb new information like a sponge and your memory is legendary. Once you have learned something, you’ll never forget it – unless you consider it to be irrelevant for some reason and decide that it seems to be better purging it from your data storage.

Impressive video

2009-02-16T22:30:00.000-08:00

Saw this video on my friend's blog, and it sure is

IMPRESSIVE.

Believe me, it is.

Watch it.

Westlife - Swear it again

2009-02-11T05:24:00.000-08:00

I am currently tuning in to the song - Swear it Again, by Westlife, and I thought it may well be the best song to summarize the love Edward has for Bella. In any cases, I shall let the lyrics do the saying and you do the judging, to see if I am right. AND I know I should STOP talking about twilight, I WILL, but I would appreciate if you could just bear with me for this one last entry. :)

Swear it Again - Westlife

I wanna know

who ever told you I was letting go

the only joy that I have ever known

girl, they're lying

Just look around

and all of the people that we used to know

have just given up, they wanna let it go

but we're still trying

So you should know this love we share was never made to die

I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I

Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye

Cause I never wanna see you cry

I swore to you my love would remain

and I swear it all over again and I

I'm never gonna treat you bad

Cause I never wanna see you sad

I swore to share your joy and your pain

and I swear it all over again

all over again

Some people say

that everything has got its palce in time

even the day must give way to the night

but I'm not buying

Cause in your eyes

I see a love that burns eternally

and if you see how beautiful you are to me

you'll know I'm not lying

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye

but even if we try

There are somthings in this life won't be denied

won't be denied

I'm never gonna say goodbye

Cause I never wanna see you cry

I swore to you my love would remain

and I swear it all over again and I

I'm never gonna treat you bad

Cause I never wanna see you sad

I swore to share your joy and your pain

and I swear it all over again

The more I konw of you, is the more I know I love you

and the more that I'm sure I wan you forever and ever more

and the more that you love me, the more that I know

Oh that I'm never gonna let you go

Gotta let you know that I

I'm never gonna say goodbye

Cause I never wanna see you cry

I swore to you my love would remain

and I swear it all over again and I

I'm never gonna treat you bad

Cause I never wanna see you sad

I swore to share your joy and your pain

and I swear it all over again

all over again

and I swear it all over again

Swear It Again - Westlife

Commentary on Eclipse

2009-02-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

My indulgence was discounted. I couldn’t bring myself to finish reading Eclipse, the third book of the twilight series. Halfway through the book and I am already dismissed by the plot. I am so pleased with myself for making the decision to read Breaking Dawn first before Eclipse, for I enjoyed Renéesme's constant presence in the book.

In any case, let’s come back to the discontentment I had with Eclipse. Eclipse, in summary, was about Bella getting confusing over her relationship with Jacob and with Victoria coming back to haunt her. She felt that Jacob had become a part of her and it hurts her to see him in pain, and he is in pain whenever Bella is with Edward. How dumb. So, Bella, with the initial intention to console Jacob, realized that she too, loved Jacob. More to the point, she realized she can’t live without Edward too, and thus had to split herself into two: Edward’s Bella and Jacob’s Bella. Again, how dumb. Didn’t she know that it would be best to leave Jacob alone till he sorts things out himself again, I’m positively sure that Jacob will survive, even if Bella were to ignore him for the rest of her life. Isabella Swan, how could she, how could she only see Jacob’s pain and not Edward’s. She should have learnt to differentiate between love for a guy and a friend/ family. Edward, always giving in to Bella, decides to give Bella the ultimate choice to choose who she wants to be with.

A healthy share of content was allocated to describing Victoria's (woman standing on the extreme right) presence in Folks and her plan to avenge her mate, James’(man standing on the extreme left) death in Twilight, fortunately, giving the frustrating tri-relationship a break. Anyway, what Victoria did was that she bred a new flag of vampires, where they went along Seattle sucking human blood and slowly, approaching Forks to reach her ultimate aim – the Cullens and Bella. Obviously, her plot failed and she was eventually ripped off her head by the Cullens and dogs (Jacob, Sam and pack).

So after the battling scenes and the usual, it was back to Bella, Edward and that irritating dog again. This time round, Bella decided to choose Edward over the dog though she love the both of them, but Edward more, and that Edward was the one whom she could not live without. How dumb is it for her to run around the circumference and come back to square one again. She cried over her decision in Edward’s arms, needing Edward to comfort her, which is darn selfish, if she could only put herself in Edward’s shoes, to see his love crying over another guy, well, not quite right a guy, a dog to be exact.

The book ended with Edward and Bella deciding to get engaged and married. How dumb.

Well, my little tolerance for the book wasn’t totally due to the lousy plot setting in Eclipse, but more due to my inability to accept betrayal. I can forgive anything in life but betrayal.

Show of Hands - Country Life (Geograhphy)

2009-02-01T01:49:00.000-08:00

I was in the midst of doing research for my GEM project when I came across this video, which captivated my attention. It's really interesting to see how geography can be ventured in several different forms, physical, economic, social, cultural, etc etc. I would suppose the song+video would be categorised under the cultural aspect of geography, observe how geographical concepts are intriguingly presented in the form of songs and lyrics. Allow me to present to you, the song entitled "Country Life" peformed by Show of Hands. By the way, the song looks in detail at current (well then again it may not be that current an issue) rural issues happening around the world; the consequences of industrialisation, urbanisation and globalisation. Lastly, I hope all enjoy the song and short video clip as much as I do. Do indulge and let you thoughts run deep with the lyrics.

Show of Hands - Country Life

Working in the rain cutting up wood, didn’t do my little brother much good
Lost two fingers in a chainsaw bite, all he does now is drink and fight
Sells a bit of grass, hots up cars, talks of travel, never gets far
Loves his kids, left his wife, an everyday story of country life.

And the red brick cottage where I was born, is the empty shell of a holiday home
Most of the year there’s no-one there, the village is dead and they don’t care
Now we live on the edge of town, haven’t been back since the pub closed down
One man’s family pays the price, for another man’s vision of country life.

My old man he’s eighty-four, his generation won the war
He left the farm forever when, they only kept on one in ten
Landed gentry county snobs, where were you when they lost their jobs
No-one marched or subsidised, to save a country way of life

Silent fields, empty lanes, drifting smoke, distant flames
Picture postcard hills on fire, cattle burning in funeral pyres
Out to graze they look so sweet, we hate the blood we want the meat
Buy me a beer I’ll take my knife, cut you a slice of country life

If you want cheap food well here’s the deal, family farms are brought to heel
Hammer blows of size and scale, foot and mouth the final nail
The coffin of our English dream, lies out on the village green
Where agri-barons CAP in hand, strip this green and pleasant land
Of meadow, woodland, hedgerow, pond, what remains gets built upon

No trains, no jobs
No shops, no pubs.

What went wrong? What went wrong?

Country life, country life, country life

It’s a little bit of country life.

Campus Superstar 2oo8 - 范平庚

2009-01-22T20:07:00.000-08:00

Was browsing through the past seasons of the campus superstar.

Somehow or rather, I like Benjamin's version of 枫 as compared to Jay, the original singer.

Feng - Benjamin Hum 范平庚

o8o9 Sem2

2009-01-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I decided to re-edit this post. School started officially, to be exact, a week ago. Like I said, I'm rather pleased with the modules this semester, BUT there's always a price to pay, and I've paid, a pretty heavy price. Just the SSA and Korean module alone, bankrupted both my Programme and General Account. Sigh. Anyway, just a summary of the modules that i'll be taking this semester. mainly:

NM2102 - Theories of Communications & New Media

NM2219 - Principles of Communication Management

LAK1201 - Korean Language Level 1

EL1101E - The Nature of Language (ENG MOD)

GEK1001 - Place, Environment, Society (GEO MOD)

SSA1201 - Singapore Society (SOCIO MOD)

Just one last thing about my studies, I've also declared my major in Communications & New Media, and perhaps a Second Major or minor in Chinese Language. Not the history and literature of Chinese, but the technical part of Chinese Language, like phonetics, syntax, etc etc. I'll end off with this song and short video clip I found on Youtube - Campus Superstar 2009. That little boy, Jarod, leaves me a really deep impression for the song - 新不了情

xin bu liao qing - wan fang

我的快乐钢琴演奏版

2009-01-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

我在youtube不经意的找到了这个video clip，一向很欣赏有音乐天分的男人，总觉得懂得音乐的人更贴心、更稳重。不知为什么，在众多乐器当中，唯独对钢琴我有一种说不出的感动，说不去的悲伤。有一位横要好的朋友最近在博客中透露她对谈恋爱的渴望，我呢，和她一样，也想谈恋爱了，不过，是跟音乐谈恋爱。:)

我的快乐钢琴演奏版

我的快乐 chipmunks版

“我的快乐，会回来的。只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻，不准问值不值得。

我的快乐，会回来的，离开不是谁给了谁的选择。”

我的快乐，我相信，会回来的。

A sum up of 2008

2009-01-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

Well first and foremost, a happy and merry new year to all. 2008 had been a rather, uhmpt, boring and dull year for me, partly because I was on too long a break (from nov to july) and school wasn’t that fun after all. All that anticipation for school to reopen came to a halt when readings started to pile up like the Himalayas Mountain, imagine.

Well, I should have expected that since I’m in fass, and arts is generally about, or should I say, practically reading and being critical in making judgments and formulating arguments. Nevermind abt that.

Caught quite a few decent movies in-between, December, hmmm, twilight with my mum, to think we went to catch the latest session @ 9.30pm. Ha. Me and my mum, getting a little too wild for my dad to handle. Caught another movie before twilight, which was again, another impromptu decision made while meeting up with Yu Jia. We caught bedtime stories, so unlike of me, but yeah, I’m glad that the movie was nice enough for me to not regret watching.

Anyway, I had my birthday celebrations spread across 4 different days with different groups of people. The very first day, on the 25/12 Christmas itself, was with Marcel. Had lunch over @ Full House, a Korean restaurant, it was quite a disappointment but the food was, bearably edible. We then decided to head to orchard, walked from 2pm to like 9pm. It was crazy, but the fact that I could walk freely on the roads of orchard amused and entertained my moods quite a bit. Ha. Took photos again, after long persuasion and apparently, Marcel accused me of being difficult to catch me smile on photos. Well, I am not a cam-whore person, the moment I see a camera focusing on me, my face, involuntarily stiffed and turned solemn. Ha. That’s just me.

On the 26/12, I had a joined birthday celebration with Ying, my all long pal since primary school, together with her boyfriend, Michelle and Yann, They got us a mango cheesecake, nice, sweet, it was the kind of cake that I would go for. In fact, I go for all cakes, they’re irresistible, especially those from secret recipe and Emicakes.

33o6 gathering proceeded the very next day, over at WZ‘s house. Was supposed to meet up with Yu Jia early in the afternoon, but something personal cropped up at home which got me so disturbed and upset that invites suicidal thoughts, but I’m fine. I’m trying real hard to take things in my stride and easily, it’s hard though, for my domineering character. Having cooled down after an hour or so, under cold hard shower, I decided to meet yu jia still, and by right wan ding and Sylvia too, but like I said, yu jia and I made an impromptu decision to watch bedtime and so, we only got to meet the ding and syl after the movies, to go to wz’s house together for dinner. Received warmth birthday wishes from many of them, played monopoly, black jack, Texas and had 2 slices of pizza and bottles of beer for dinner. Satisfying for the latter, I was craving for alcohol over my throat that very day actually. Parents picked me late in the night, dreamless sleep settled in immediately under the effect of alcohol which was pretty nice, but a note that I would like to make here: I wasn’t drunk. Not with that few bottles of beer, I am not that weak. Well for the very least, I refused to admit so.

The actual birth-day arrived with not much enthusiasm; lazed around the house most of the time till yu jia came knocking at my doorstep, which caught me, very very surprised. I wasn’t expecting her, but the fact that she went through all the trouble to travel from the north to the east just to pass me the present made me speechless and touched, it’s unexplainable. I do many times; feel being forgotten and unappreciated, but she proved me otherwise. I am fortunate, to have to meet her along my life. She’s the best gift that AJ had presented to me, preceded by all fellow classmates of PDG33/o6. Ended the day with my family dining over the usual restaurant. I would like to take this chance, to thank every single person, who sent me their warmest wishes and those who made my day in a way or another.

On a side note, I guess that twilight movie really did have me lunatic; I got frenzy over the twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. How crazy I was, you may ask, well, I visited every single bookstore I have within my abilities, to try to get hold of all 4 books, namely Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. But disappointment was all I received despite my efforts; I only managed to get Twilight. While I understand many friends around me feel the movie incomparable to the book, I beg to differ. Having finished the book, which shares a slightly different storyline from the movie, I concluded to have enjoyed both the book and movie. Just one last sentence before I end, quoted from Twilight, I present to you my favourite:

“When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.”

P.S. Enjoy, my usual dosage of music, which never fails. :)

wo de kuai le

lk@work

2008-12-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

Here I am, back in my previous company - United BMEC. I shan't go into details about this company but if you guys would like to know more, feel free to browse through their site.

Anyway, coming back to it. I'm bored needing to liaise between the HSA authorities and suppliers, and to prepare licensing documents and go through internal and external audits again and again. I'm just too lazy for all these tedious paperwork that requires mental strength. But I guess I don't have a choice here, it's either me having to starve for my next semester or slog now for more petty cash. I want to slack, I want to rot, I want to stay at home. Just bear with me for this post alright. I just feel like whining in this boring lifeless office.

Well, I should be glad at least for having a nice desk, cushioned chair, personal computer with Internet access, a phone that has no restrictions to whom I want to call to, and I can IM in the office, fine, and blog as well. I can do as much so long I don't get caught red-handed I suppose. That's only for the blogging part, I should also be glad to have a few, though not much, nice colleagues who will joke around with me halfway through the boring afternoon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is simply TORTUROUS.

他 - 爱情

2008-12-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

许多人曾多次问过我：“你，还喜欢那个人吗？”大家似乎有着共同的默契，在我面前多尽量避免提到他的名字。而我，从不知道该怎么回答他们。。。

说我还喜欢他吗?

老实说，我连他的长相都不太记得，这样的我，真的还喜欢他吗？

那，该说我已经不爱着他了吗？

如果真是这样，那为何想起他还是会心痛、流泪呢？每每只要听到悲切的歌，我就会因为想起他而泣不成声，想起我那被辜负、被唾弃的爱情。。。那是我的真心呀，他却毫不留情地将我的真心结碎。支离破碎的我再也不会、再也不敢把我的心交出去，因为不想再受伤、不想再流泪，所以选择了把自己武装起来。尽管孤傲的心已慢慢的解冻，再次对爱情蠢蠢欲动，但理性却无时无刻不在提醒着自己曾因爱而受伤的痛楚，让动摇的心又打退堂鼓。

想了许久，我想，或许我所喜欢的、所追寻的、所紧握的、不是他这个人而是当下的感觉、当时的记忆。我会哭，不是因为还爱着他，而是太思念当时的回忆，当时那情窦初开的感觉。我仍在找寻一个可以给我同样的感觉的人，marcel说那时一个不可能的任务，因为这世上不会有两个人会给我同一样的感觉，也许吧，也许真的再也没有人能给我那时的感觉，但我想等，我想等待下一个能给我同样的感觉的人出现，就算几率很小很小，我也想放手一搏，等待。

带我走　和　同一个遗憾

2008-12-05T01:09:00.000-08:00

Felt like blogging in Chinese again, but shall bear with it for today. Well at least there's something I realise for now, that is, I blog in Chinese whenever I am emo. Haha. I just feel that I'm better at expressing myself in Chinese words. English only has 26 alphabets, come on. Nevermind, as much I loathe the Chinese modules that I'm taking right now in NUS, which has ended thank god, but I cant deny my love for Chinese Language.

Enough of Chinese and English here, the main subjects for today's entry are another two EMO songs that I like. Haha. emo. Emo. EMo. EMO. The songs are from a Taiwanese drama - Miss No Good aka 不良笑花.

歌手: 潘玮柏
曲名: 同一个遗憾; 不良笑花插曲

剩下我们坐在岸边
看着她越走越远

白色星星迎着海面

沙滩好远

而她的心去了哪里

我们都无能为力

是谁的手能牵她回来

Don't she know
Don't think so

爱上了同一个遗憾

恍然明白那时候
为何要对彼此为难

Tell me she knows

I don't think so

我们都不属于他的爱

不能重来的伤害

我们都学会了释怀

两个朋友一个最爱

不可能有的未来

只是结局却让我们

如此意外

她的决定终于太慢

看那微笑的安排

你怪谁的错 我们都失败

Don't she know

Don't think so

爱上了同一个遗憾

恍然明白那时候

为何要对彼此为难

Tell me she knows
I don't think so
我们都不属于他的爱
不能重来的伤害
而我们都学会了释怀

同一个遗憾Tong Yi Ge Yi Han - 纪佳松Ji Jia Song & 潘玮柏Pan Wei Bo

带我走和同一个遗憾

2008-12-05T01:08:00.000-08:00

歌手：杨丞琳
曲名：带我走；不良笑花片尾曲

每次我總一個人走
交叉路口自己生活
這次你卻說帶我走
某個角落就你和我

像土壤抓緊花的迷惑
像天空纏綿雨的洶湧
在你的身後
計算的步伐每個背影每個場景
都有發過的夢

帶我走到遙遠的以後
帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
帶我走就算我的愛
你的自由都將成為泡沫
我不怕 帶我走

每次我總獨自遠走
保持沉默不皺眉頭
這次你卻說一起走
如此溫柔從此以後

像土壤抓緊花的迷惑
像天空纏綿雨的洶湧
在你的身後計算的步伐每個背影每個場景
都有發過的夢

帶我走到遙遠的以後
帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
帶我走就算我的愛
你的自由都將成為泡沫
我不怕 帶我走

白茫留過漆黑盡頭
潮汐襲來浪花顫動
停在海岸結成了沫哦～

成爲朝向草原其中
又在傳來一滴彩虹
刻在心中拍打著脈搏

帶我走到遙遠的以後
帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
帶我走就算我的愛
你的自由都將成為泡沫
我不怕 帶我走

帶我走
就算我的愛你的自由都將成為泡沫
帶我走～

Rainie yang- dai wo zou (CD version) - 楊丞琳yang cheng lin rainie

不良笑花戏后的感触

2008-12-05T01:07:00.000-08:00

“ 可能因为当时年纪还小，感受特别深刻。
那时候听到的笑话，特别觉得好笑；
那时候喜欢上的人，也更不容易忘记。
但
也许这个笑话并不是最好笑的，
那个人也不是最适合自己的人。
只是
我把自己停留在小时候，捨不得长大。”

好希望自己最后能够像贾思乐一样潇洒，说出“走吧，人不能一直活在过去”这样的一番话。但希望归希望，我始终不是贾思乐，我没他那么潇洒、没他那么有气度、没他那么帅的跟自己的过去道别。因为害怕失去自己所拥有的那些，珍贵的回忆。我好怕哪天如果一松手，这些紧握在手中的回忆就会随风逝去，就像断了线的风筝一样、从手心滑过的气球一样，永远失去。

或许有些人会说真正的回忆是藏在心里任谁也带不走的。也许吧，也许真的是这样，但你能想象吗，当有一天你坐下来努力的想想起小时候的回忆，或是想试着记起在小学所发生的点点滴滴，突然你发现你自己不记得了，或是只记得零零碎碎的片断时，当下的感受，你能体会吗？那种在记忆盒里翻箱倒柜的焦虑、那种因为不记得和最要好的朋友一起做过的傻事而觉得对不起他们的内疚与伤感，你能想象吗？或许那些人说的并不是没有道理，但对我来说并不是这样，我不想再重蹈覆撤，不想再忘记、不想再失去，因为我把那些记忆看得比自己的生命还重要，就像氧气般的重要。就算知道眷恋只会让自己更软弱，我还是会一意孤行的死守那些回忆，因为，如果没有那些回忆一直支撑着我，我不可能会走到今天。

Ding and Lk outing

2008-12-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

Was out with ding at pasir ris the whole Tuesday. It started off when I told her I needed a break after the exams, and we decided to go to Ehub. As usual, I was late and poor ding had to wait for me for a long 35mins or so. SORRY. Well apparently, the bus driver seemed to pick up the properties of a tortoise.

We wanted to catch the k-lunch initially but I was late, so ya, we decided to head to White Sands instead. Shopped Shopped Shopped. Haha. Our last stop was at Poh Kim VCD Outlet, it's one shop that cannot be missed whenever I'm out. In the end, ding got herself a VCD and the one that I was looking for was OUT OF STOCK!

Brunch at food court after the shopping spree to find ourselves disgusted with the Korean food there. It was filling BUT not satisfying. We ordered Spicy Chicken Hotplate and yet the chicken wasn't spicy nor sweet. It was bland and what irks me the most was the Kimchi they served. It was ... So one piece of advice from me:

Do Not Try the Korean Stall at the White Sands Food Court

Headed down to Ehub for k-box and movie session! Managed to convince ding to sing a little and I felt I was the only one enjoying that singing. Lk's so lucky to have friends always tolerating her nonsense. Thanks Ding. The room was freezing to that extent ding and I were like walking ice bars when we made our way to the ladies before heading down the level for our movie.

Caught the movie Four Christmases - I simply love it. Haha. The movie was short, engaging, hilarious, and meaningful. I would rate it 4 outta 5 stars cause it's one real gem to watch for this Christmas-y period. I shan't do much talking here cause the movie will speak for itself. Parted with ding at around 7.30pm or so and headed home bringing satifying moments with me. :)

P.S. A Short Trailer of Four Christmases. Enjoy.

你没想像中爱我

2008-11-29T20:30:00.000-08:00

For the convenience of most of my friends, I shall blog in English again. Ha. Today's a Saturday, which marks the second last day of my exams, that is, my bio paper which just ended in the afternoon. I wouldn't say it was a difficult paper, it should be do-able, but I wasn't able to do, perhaps I just ain't working hard enough for my grades. So much we may find the old sayings annoying, but they are true: One will reap only when they sow. So, uhumpt, LEARN.

Sometimes, it's not that I am unclear about what I want to be or to do in the future, I do, I do know what I want in my life, clear goals, clear dreams, but all these comes down to nothing if I ain't willing to put in efforts to achieve them. Isn't it? And here I am saying all these, and yet still, I am not doing anything to it. Lol. I can still sit down in front of my lap top typing in my blog Laugh out Loud. Just look how un-deserving am I.

Well, enough for the exams and grades, they are only for me to worry 3 weeks later, on the 23rd. For now, let's just enjoy life and listen to good music. Allow me to share with you guys another song that I thought, was so beautifully written and sang. It's actually the ending song of one of our local productions - Perfect Cut aka 一切完美, with the song entitled 你没想像中爱我.

歌手: 石欣卉
曲名: 你没想像中爱我; 一切完美片尾曲

你小心翼翼牵我手
其实是担忧藏不住我
自尊也投降活在她之下
我好傻

你字字句句说你不爱她

那又是什么让你害怕

我疑惑但是原谅因为你留下

我好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候

原来你没想像中那么爱我

我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受

你的存在让我更寂寞

你寸步不离像天使的她

挥霍我的爱从不放心上

我有一丝无奈也有一些明白

该放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来你没想像中那么爱我

我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么

不爱我别再说

假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

啊... 谁说我不在意空等候
原来你从来都没深刻爱我

我才懂不是我不心痛

其实是心没了感受

呜... 你没想像中爱我

你没想像中爱我 - 石欣卉

星梦

2008-11-23T02:27:00.000-08:00

今天，是我要到海蝶试音的日子。没错，正是许环良许老师的音乐学院！从小对什么都不太感兴趣、对许多事都抱着三分钟热度的我，唯对唱歌情有独钟。或许是因为自幼就有听音乐的习惯，又或许是因为从小就参加合唱团的原因，我对音乐的热忱，对好音乐的坚持，是无人能击的。而我从以前到现在一直顺着爸妈的旨意，他们要我往东，我就往东，他们要我往西，我便往西，他们要我去读初级学院，我便乖乖的顺着他们的意思，真的真的，好希望能够有这么一次机会让我为自己活一次，让我做我自己想做的事，而我也等到了这个机会 - 也就是海蝶的音乐歌手培训班。我跟爸妈求了好久好久，他们才让我去参加。

所以，今天兴致勃勃的我，一大清早就起身梳洗，想说先读个书在出发去海蝶试音。。。妈妈也起来准备早餐给我，而我爸爸也提议要载我去。:) 当时，我心想说，今天真是一个好幸运好幸运的日子，希望幸运女神能够一直眷顾我到试音结束为止。十一点正，我抵达了海蝶森林音乐学院所在的大厦，而正当我想走上楼时，不经意地抬头往上看。。。不看来好，看了差点当场就昏了过去。。。海蝶的门前根本就挤爆了人，每个都穿得好夸张，有些甚至把妆化得太浓，简直就像个大花猫似的，而我，也毅然的转身打道回府。

对我而言，我不是真的想去当歌星，而只是抱着那份热爱唱歌、热爱音乐的赤子之心，想把唱歌的技巧学好，希望能够在鼎鼎有名的许老师的教导下学习唱歌，绝无虚言。但，看着那些人，我却顿时心灰意冷了，这不是我要的，我心想，站在试音室外的多数的人，不是真正热爱唱歌，而只是想接着唱歌来完成他们的星梦，我，鄙视他们。他们没有资格谈“音乐”二字。音乐不是一项工具，音乐是一个能让人心灵相通，了解彼此的心灵物语、语言。而那些人，却有着那么肤浅的想法，真是可耻! 我不能理解他们，更别说是原谅。

我梦想着有一天能唱出、甚至能做出有如天籁之音般一样的歌，但那也只是梦。虽然人们常说：“人因梦想而伟大”，但却不是每个人多能随心所欲做自己想做的事，有时候，梦想固然伟大，但或许我们需要的，是更大的勇气、恒心，才能够完成心中的梦。而我并没有这样的勇气。原来，有些梦想是努力不来、强求不来的。不是只要努力、付出，就一定会有丰收的。原来，小时候的童话故事只是虚幻的假象。

虽然我自己选择放弃了唯一一个能够在顶尖的音乐老师的教导下学唱歌的机会，但这并不代表我将放弃音乐，我会继续学习，继续聆听、继续寻找世上一切美好的音乐。即使这一辈子不能当一名专业的音乐家，我也要做一名音乐的爱好者。

JJlin: 我还想他

2008-11-22T01:38:00.000-08:00

在埋头苦读考试的当儿，耳朵里传来一首让人，不得不放下身段去仔细聆听，的歌。听了主持的一段介绍后，原来，那是林俊杰的新歌。我呢，不是一位特别迷他的粉丝，但，我不得不去承认，他的才华，他的唱功，他的诠释力真的很到家。

我很少会去欣赏歌手，或是会去特别留意他们的动向，因为对我而言，无论歌手是谁，只要能打动我的歌就是一首好歌，也就值得我用心去听，让自己完全溶化在歌词里。而林俊杰，他是少数的几位，让我会去特别留意他的新创作，原因无它，因为他的创作从没让我失望过。

好了，不说了，就让我来介绍这首歌吧 - 我还想她

泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过
究竟是谁放掉这段感情

我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她 我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她 我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已掏空
真心话言不由衷

在这整首歌里头，唯独一句歌词，在我脑海里挥之不去。。。

恨总比爱容易放下

这首歌里的男主角，他对女主角的用情之深，让我无法忘怀。。。
我，仍放不下他。。。难道因为我还爱他吗。。。
六年了，我单恋他六年了。。。
原来已经六年了。。。

我还想她 - 林俊杰

你曾经让我心动

2008-11-17T00:33:00.000-08:00

嗨！大家好！我最近又发现了一首好好听的歌。。。这儿就来和你们分享吧！

那，这首歌的名称就是：你曾经让我心动

关于蓝天的忧郁
我想了解分析
却不经分心不禁想起
长发飘逸的你

关于你给的回忆
我想你也想不起
只因为所以有自知之明
我只敢远远望着你

从没想过那么心痛以后
你还是陪在我生命中最空虚的时候
我仿佛回到那感动

从没想过离开伤心以后
我终于能够当你面前勇敢的对你说出口
你曾经让我心动

我要加紧脚步加紧脚步对你说
你曾经让我心动

Ni Ceng Jing Rang Wo Xin Dong 你曾經讓我心動 - aChord

Enriching Conversation w/marcel @ NLB mac

2008-11-16T00:23:00.000-08:00

Saturday. evening. forced by parents to attend this dinner when i dun know a single soul there. Ended up getting myself drunk there after 2 bottles of beer + 1 glass of whiskey.Reached home early morning, dragged myself to bath, and knocked out in my bed immediately when my head touches the pillow.

I never like to get drunk. The aftermath of it. god. I felt as though my head was splitting into halves. The whole experience was bizzare. One lesson learnt here. Never get drunk unprepared.

Was supposed to meet marcel at NLB at 10am to mug. I reached only at 11am, one hour later due to the horrid headache.reached and settled to revise my macro econs. :) the process was tedious, but I enjoyed it. I love macro econs. Marcel said I need to start learning how to protect my ears. well apparently, such remarks came about cause i was blasting music at my ears from the lap. hahaa.

I'll try, I really will. Promise.

Went out for lunch at around 2pm, brunch at mac. the quality of the food there, hmmm, there's still room for improvement, I would say. As usual, talks with marcel are always interesting and enlightening. I cant exactly remmember where we started out, but we were talking about how no choice can be a good choice, and sometimes the best choice. That was what i told her.People who know me will know that it's typical of me to feel the grass to be always greener on the other side. Yeap. Indeed, I did regret choosing NUS over NTU, but mind you, the sentence's in the past. For an indecisive person like me, giving me more choices will create nothing beneficial but more headaches. Perhaps i'm just too immature to be able to make decisions for myself. I'll learn eventually, well i have to, but not now.

The reason why i put that sentence in the past context because I have come to terms with myself, that in life, we always will have and need to forsake one for another, which is true. I forsake NTU's fun uni life for NUS's prestige. That was the decision i made, no one but myself, thus I will have to be responsible for the decision i've made. There's no doubt for that.

What will we be 10 years down the road?

I wonder...

thoughts after a CMC chat with Marcel

2008-11-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

Just some thoughts I thought I would like to share with my fellow friends.

I just had a chat with my senior aka close friend aka sister. K, this friend of mine certainly holds many different roles in different parts of my life. She was my senior when we were back in secondary school. She remained a close friend of mine when she graduated and moved on to her poly and me to AJ. She became my colleague while awaiting for school to start and now, she's my school mate in NUS. Haha. But all these times that she stood by me, I know, she's more than just a senior, a friend, a colleague, she's like a sister to me, some dear and close to my heart. I thank god/ or whoever up there, for being able to meet such a person in my life. A gift, I would say, and I really do appreciate it.

Well, anyway, I like to call her Mars in short. And just ten minutes back, we had a conversation through the MSN. We were talking about the past and a recent incident that happened between us and another peer of mine. I shan't go into details here, but all I can say now to that another peer of mine is that:

I don't hate you, neither do I hold any other form of emotions towards you. You were once a role model I looked up to, you were once someone I hold so close to my hear. You were once a peer whom I took trust in and reply upon. But all that changed the moment you chose to betray my trust. I once blamed you at that very point of time, but I don't now cause it's over and all I want to do now is to let the matter lay and be buried deep down in our hearts.

I cant practice what I preach in the past, and that is to let bygones be bygones. Perhaps I can do so 10 years down the road, but not now, definitely. Mars said you wanted the 3 of us to be back like we used to be, but perhaps, some things should just remain in the past and only for us to reminisce.

I used to wish for time to turn back to when all of us were still in CCSS. Only did I came to realise that, it is precisely the fact that we can't turn back time that made the past so memorable and impactful in our hearts. I can never forget the times we shared in Mac, the times we shared in CCSS, the times we shared in Parkway, and may others that still remain etched at the back of my head. Those were one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I mean it.

But. But. But maybe, it should just remain there, as it is, to continue to stay beautiful and unstained in our hearts. Cause, I always believe, nothing's eternal in this world except memories.

Well then, I hope I have made myself clear and yeap, that's all for today.

小宇 - 唯一的唯一

2008-11-09T06:51:00.000-08:00

嗨嗨！很少在我的博客里听到较轻快的歌吧！
没错！lk 我迷上了这首歌！！！
虽然现在的我想把心思全都放在我的课业上，
但等我顺利毕业后，我想我也会像这首歌里头所唱的一样
寻找我生命中唯一的唯一。。。

当然，我的家人还会是我生命在中最重要的，
因为我爸妈也是我生命里唯一的唯一。。。
好爱好爱他们。。。

好了，废话不多说，以下就是这首歌的歌词：

唯一的唯一 小宇
作词：黄文萱　作曲：宋念宇(小宇)

一样自己走在　回家的路　却突然发现自己　有些孤独
天空下　有几颗脆弱的心　找寻着　那双共鸣的眼睛
我怀疑　一直在等待的人　真的就是你

直到　看着星星想到你　望着太阳想到你　少了你会莫名的空虚
我才终于开始去相信　是谁出现在梦裡　而你就是唯一的唯一
直到　看着电视想到你　望着大海想到你　少了你我呼吸没力气
最后　确定我已爱上你　想抱紧你在怀裡　让我们的眼神永远　坚定不移

一样自己走在　回家的路　却突然发现自己　有些孤独
天空下　有几颗脆弱的心　找寻着　那双共鸣的眼睛
我怀疑　一直在等待的人　真的就是你
直到　看着星星想到你　望着太阳想到你　少了你会莫名的空虚
我才终于开始去相信　是谁出现在梦裡　而你就是唯一的唯一
唯一的唯一

曾经害怕温暖　喜欢寒冬　却突然发现自己与众不同
天空下　有几颗脆弱的心　找寻着　那双共鸣的眼睛
我怀疑　一直在等待的人　真的就是你　oh Baby

直到　看着星星想到你　望着太阳想到你　少了你会莫名的空虚
我才终于开始去相信　是谁出现在梦裡　而你就是唯一的唯一
直到　看着电视想到你　望着大海想到你　少了你我呼吸没力气
最后　确定我已爱上你　想抱紧你在怀裡　让我们的眼神永远　坚定不移

Listen and savour every note and word of the song. Lk's simply loving it!

wei yi de wei yi - xiao yu

2008-11-03T05:37:00.001-08:00

First announcement for the post:

LEWIS HAMILTON WON THE F1 RACE !!!

Yesterday marks the end of the F1 race, last held in Brazil, with Massa emerging as the champion in the race, and LEWIS HAMILTON as the overall champion...wahaha. It just brightens up my day. I pity Massa though, ding and I came to the conclusion that the race held in Singapore was the main reason why he was one mark away from Lewis and ended up being in the 2nd position. Next up awaits the US presidency election results that will be out on Wednesday. Obama better wins. I draw no difference between Bush and McCain seriously.

While all the events fold in, my final term exams are too, around the corner. Was sms-ing mich this morning and I was shocked to find myself already a 3-month old uni student. This was how the sms-conversation goes, where it all started with hamilton and abbrev lingos:

Lk: Lewis Hamilton emerged as the overall champion for the F1 race! Wahahahaaaa. :)

Mich: (-.-'')... NOMB, hahaa...

Lk: what's NOMB? Ar. Dun care dun care. He's the youngest F1 champion in history. Haha.

Mich: Still NOMB - none of my business. Lol. Eh, you uni already, still not up to date with such stuff...

Lk: Eh. Please. I only turned to be a uni student 12 weeks ago. :S *rolling my eyes*

Mich: hahaa... 12 weeks is 3 months can. I already blend in TP within 3 months.

The moment shocked me when she sent me the last sms. 3 months, I have been in NUS FASS for 3 months. What shocked me wasnt me not realising that it was 3 months, but the speed that time was going. too fast. too furious.

Anyway, back with my coming exams. I'm going to start my first paper on the 21/11 and will be done with on 01/12. I'm praying real hard that my papers wont fall on evenings, as picking from experience, my brain seems not to function properly when evening time crawls in. May probably be flying to China straight after my last paper to meet my mum. Well, we'll see how things go.

I have applied for an inter-faculty transfer, from Arts & Social sciences to Biz. Many exclaimed upon hearing the decision I made. Alright, people, allow me to explain myself here. I know, I know I am one who's exceptional bad with figures, I know I have horrid math sense. But transfering to Biz wasnt my initial intention, my ideal faculty was the Law Faculty, which I am only allowed to do so next year and only if my grades are good enough for a transfer. And please, it's not as if I will definitely be offered a seat in Biz as well, it all depends on my up and coming results. So please, just sit back, relax and let nature takes it course. :)

Even if I were to stay in FASS, I have yet to come to a decision whether to major in Communications and New Media / Chinese Studies & Language / Geography. They're all my loves and of equal weightage and importance to me. Though I do nag alot about my Chinese modules, but I must admit, I do enjoy myself in the lectures and tutorials despite having difficulties in understanding the content most of the times. Laughs.

Fond memories at ehub kbox with the girls

2008-10-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Just two Thursdays ago, organised a birthday surprise for mich. A friend who stood by me always, ever since we became the best-est buddies. We were only 13 then. She's one person whom I can rely on when tiredness consumed me, when depression drowned me. Though she's not good, I would say, at consoling people, but it's really magical how she is able to lift up my mood after our conversation.

Anyway, coming back to the celebration, I made reservations at the kbox ehub branch, met the girls and started screaming our lungs off the mic. Wanted so much to have beer poured down my throat, those who know me should know that I'm an alcoholic. :) While as much as I want to do so, I managed to curb my cravings for beer to avoid the grave consequences that I will have to face if my cravings were satisfied - that is, i'll be grounded. Haha. Pretty sure about that cause my parents are rather strict with me in this aspect. K. I am side-tracking. So yeap, after an hour or so of singing, we had mich to accompany yann to the ladies so that we could get the cake ready, but the staff there said that they have their own surprises as well, so I was like fine. Who knows, who knows, silly silly mich went the wrong way and bumped into the staff and cake. Fortunately, silly her didnt know that the cake was for her, haha. I chose a birthday song from the song menu and the staff came into the room when mich and yann settled down, ranting birthday wishes and song in the room. The wide smile spreaded across mich's face at that very moment, was one self -fulfilling moment for me as well ,knowing that I managed to surprise her. We had some photos taken, like always, I, took two shots unreluctantly. I never like photo-taking. No reasons for it, it's just me I think. The night ended at about 12am and we all cabbed home after that.

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO MICHELLE!

The aftermath of fooling around in school

2008-10-18T03:06:00.000-07:00

As promised, I'm here with the updates of my Midterm. Well, things haven been smooth sailing for me after the recess week. In fact, I think I'm losing grip of the amount of content that I am expected and have to digest.

Well, i'll start off with my grades then. Econs was bad. I expected it. I was never good at micro econs, but this is DEFINITELY NOT an excuse for the lousy grades that I scored. I guess I'm just not working hard enough. Plain lazy. I scored 2 marks below the average. fcuk. 2 years at aj + 1 sem at NUS and I'm still geting this kinda fucked up grade. Can someone just take a knife and stab me. Or come up and give me a tight slap on my face. A plunge of guilt swallowed me when my parents came up to console me. I am such a disappointment, aint I?

Enough of econs for now, I should be glad that the Comms & New Media paper turned out to be good. Better than what I expected myself to get when I sat for the paper. :) The fortune teller's words might really come true - he said i'll do well in glam and media. haha... well then again, I shouldnt be too arrogant about it, it must be luck.

And last to touch on, would be BIO. Fuck that module. Fuck Bio. I hate that subject to the core. Why do biologists have to make simple human system look so complexed? Why?!!? Why?!!? Why???!!!? I am never going to take up any more biology modules anymore.

I miss Chem. I miss Chem. I miss Chem.

Dear dear Chemistry, I'm returning to you next semester.

"talk cock" video by Hossan Leong

2008-09-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

I can only say: it's worth a watch. Catch it if you have the time guys.

Personality Quiz

2008-09-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

That's what the quiz deduced abt me after having me answer 10 questions or so:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Well, I thought it was pretty accurate. In fact, I was quite taken aback when I viewed the analysis generated by the computer. Hmmm. Sometimes it just makes me wonder how these personality tests work and how do they actually go about deducing one's personality and character. Don't you think it's pretty interesting? Who knows next semester I might end up taking psychology or sociology as one of my module. I guess only then can I know if I'm really interested in studying abt human and the society's behaviour. 社会学.

Well people, give this test a try and you can gauge for yourself the effectiveness of this quiz. K. I think I have better stopped before people start thinking if I'm running some sort of a propaganda for this website/ quiz.

Cheers. And will be back with an update of how my mid-term goes, which is about 2 weeks from now. Lucks and Loves.

2008-08-31T02:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks, near to a month since school started. More or less settled down with our individual timetables, lecture and tutorial groups. So far, I have attended half of my tutorial groups and have met the people there. Nice people I would say but still, I love EA1101 group the best. Now left with the Biology, Chinese Studies, Chinese Biz and Industry tutorial groups, but seriusly speaking, I am not looking forward to it any bit. :(

Still, I was late for my FIRST econs tutorial by 15 - 20mins? Okay, you cant blame me entirely for not keeping to the clock. The traffic jams on the road were enough to drive me, the bus driver and the other passengers, nuts. Darn the stupid ERP gantries, it didnt improved the road conditions depsite the increasing quantities on the roads. I hope the government can really do something about it. K. I side-tracked. Back to econs tutorial. yup. So first I was late for class, and then I couldnt find my tutorial class room. So when I finally found the room and sat in, the tutor was sucky, with a foreign asscent, and unable to clarify the concepts clearly. Oh yes, and SHE was late for the subsequent tutorials.

Been officially selected to be in the Ushering team as a trainee and have gone through 2 training sessions already, challenging I would say but it should be enjoyable in the tough process. Get to know really fun girls there. haha. Esabellah, Sarah, Pam, Berny, and lotsa more.

Will stay hopeful and take things in my stride.

Update

2008-08-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps. Back with some Updates. School started offically last week and I wasnt as excited as I thought I would be. Lots of independent learning and readings. With NO more naggings and scoldings from the lecturers, we're all on my own now. I miss the times when we were spoon-fed in secondary schools. I miss the times when we were guided in junior colleges. I wonder if I will miss the independent learnings in uni when I'm out to work. haha.

Life's just so full of ironies, well, I dont know for most peeps out there, but it is for me definitely. I'm ironic person. Quoting from another blog where I give my acknowledge to here, I'm a "walking contradiction". Just an update of the modules I will be taking for the next 6 months - Chinese Studies (Literature/History), Chinese Biz & Industry, Economics, General Biology, Comms & New Media. Some think that I am mad. Well, maybe I am. Chinese, for the first time in my life, feels daunting and demanding. It's time I should step out of my comfort zone and be strong willed enough to deal with setbacks and mistakes. I cant always be receiving the good ends in my life isnt it?

There have been times whereby I feel going to NUS and rejecting NTU was a hell of a wrong choice. But come to think again, this is only my first week. Am I being too pessimistic? haha. Perhaps cause the stupid bidding and balloting systems irritate me too much. Will be joining Kendo, Ushering or Choir I suppose. Two of the mentioned.

And mind you people. I do lead a decent life. I watch movies. Haha. Watched "Money Not Enough 2" twice, with my family and marcel respectively. Not because I loved the movie but for two simple reasons: I need some break and laughter injected in my life before I start shooting curse and swears at peeps. The movie was fine. Touching. Funny. Not very Sarcastic. ERP: Every Road Pay. The english sounds broken, but still acceptable. Singaporeans should ,more or less, be able to catch the jokes and sarcasm made in the movie. As for the foreigners, I am not too sure with that. The jokes are crafted and made for Singaporeans. And that may be the reason why the local movies here in Singapore were never able to reach for the global entertainment market.

One last thing before I end my entry for the day. A phrase from the movie, deeply etched to my mind: 头大无脑, 脑大生草.

My attitude

2008-08-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

Your Attitude is Better than 45% of the Population

You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones.

How's Your Attitude?

2008-08-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

Dance
as though no one is watching

Love
as though you've never been hurt before

Sing
as though no one can hear you

Work
as though you don't need the money

Live
as though tomorrow never comes

the embarrassing moment

2008-08-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

I have never been so embarrassed in my life before.

I actually failed my BTT.

I think i am the only one in that group who failed it. Which is damn irritating. Like fine. I will take it again! Till I passed it. Bloody hell.

Not in a real good mood now. Shall end my blog here. Pissed.

Scars

2008-07-08T02:54:00.000-07:00

Yeap. I am back with a song that i've just discovered, a song by Corrinne May entitled "SCARS". Also one of the very smoothing songs found in The Leap Years.

Lyrics are as below:

‘Scars (Stronger for Life)’ by Corrinne May

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Scars make us stronger for life

Nice wordings, isnt it? How true how true.
At that point of time, I thought I was hurting so badly and would die.
But I didnt and it made me stronger to who I am today.
Thanks for all the cruel words that you said to me.
If not for those words and time, I wouldnt be a better person now.

Tears of the Polaris

2007-11-14T01:52:00.000-08:00

my favourite, began to fancy some of his songs this year.

2007-05-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

it's 3am in the morning and i have this sudden urge to blog before i go off to my dreamland. well, i belive term 2 had been a rather tiring yet fruitful term for all ajceans, my sincere congrats to all sports and aesthetics groups who have done exceptionally well and done the school proud, and not forgetting all who put in all their effort to achieve an honor for the school. well, i must say i have been on a rather depressing mood recently, not solely due to my disappointing results but also my cca, till this very moment when i'm about to step down and graduate, i am still unable to feel belonged and passionate about the cca that i'm in. i dunno why and i just cant explain why. Trying to take up more leadership roles in jcs really drained me out. i cant explain why i am not able to enjoy myself as though when i was in my secondary school. is it due to my unwillingness tostep out of my comfort zone? perhaps so, but still, i do not wish to face the reality, well at least, not at this very moment when my common tests' coming. wish me luck ppl. i need it, lotsa of it so as to boost my morale and confidence once again like i used to be and have in myself. if there's so much i must be, can i still just be me, the way i am? can i trust in my own heart, or am i just one part of some big plan? the future seems narrow and dark, cant see the road that's laid for me, tears blurred my vision, my motto. where will aj and alevel lead me to? the uni? or just another disappointing moment? went to TemaskPoly recently, mich showed me around the school, it was magnificent and filled with the smell of unleashed freedom. the freedom that i longed for. what on earth am i doing now in jc, in an unfamilar environment, a world which i dun orignially belong to. what am i doing? i have no idea...who can be there for me to guide me through the path of darkness. all the things around me seem to be telling me that it is my retribution for being too greedy and to step into the world that doesnt belong to me at all. drunken in my sorrows...

三十次左右 - Kyo

2007-04-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

하루 그 날은 너를 멍하니 볼 수 밖에 없었어
那一天我只能痴痴地望着你

그때는 너무 아파 휴~ 말 조차 할 수가 없었거든
那时的我太痛苦 hew~ 连话也说不出口

제발 가지 말라고 해봤지만 소용없는 거잖아
说了求你不要离开的话但那也于事无补

보는 거 그거라도 해야 했었어
总要试一试啊

마지막 일 테니까
因为那是最后一天了

*나 없이 정말 어떤 거니
如果没有我你真的怎样才好

너 하는 일조차 귀찮아하면서
连有你的日子都觉得开心

아파하며 살진 않는 거니 나 정말 니가 걱정이 돼~
觉得痛不欲生我真的可以为你担心吗～

아냐 내가 못됐지 사실은 그랬으면 좋겠어
你知道吗我做不到实际上如果那样的话就好了

열 번쯤 스무 번쯤 또 서른 번쯤 너를 미워했어
十次二十次再三十次左右我就会恨你了

bad mood.

2007-04-30T08:17:00.001-07:00

bad mood.
pardon me.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.
not feeling any better. FUCK!

screwed up

2007-04-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

has been a long long time since i started blogging again, wasnt feeling very well today. kept falling down recently and our SYF actually got COP. never in my life had i got a COP before, welll, was kinda in a state of shock when i received the news this afternoon. anyway, no point brooding over it, cause life still has to go on, the world wont stop for me even if i want it to. studies are as screwed as my health and CCA...failed my geo test. Ungraded. i guess only a genius like me would ever get this kinda result. still remember what the principal said during mass civics, every one out of three students in the sch have at least 4As for their a level. well then take a good look at my promo results last year. ADDEEE. fcuk. nvm. just received 2 A level grades out of 7 subjects, An A & B, must say that it's a good start, but you'll never know wad happens in the end. i'm like trying to accomplish something impossible---A levels. oh ya, glad to say that i'm beginning to fall for econs all thanks to Mr Gilbert Lee from my tuition center. not only does he makes a good econs teacher, but also a good GP teacher. with his knowledge and language, i'm sure he'll be able to hold up to the task. unlike some fcuking useless teachers in my school, who apparently gave the wrong format of the DRQ, and went through like 6 blanks for an 1h lecture. he's just wasting my precious time. dont understand why my parents have to be taxed to pay such lousy teachers in school.

lethargic

2006-12-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

have been working lately, huuhn...tired. today josie called and asked me to go back to the ngee ann outlet to help out. well, i told her it shouldnt be a problem to me, but i'm not sure if century square would have enough people to help alice out. huh, i hate chekcing boxes leh...today i made a whole mess out of the boxes. haiz. homework....homework...homwork...aiyooo...

lyrics

2006-12-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

一如昨日般的再次想念
想你的心丝毫不曾减少
总是浮现你的身影
越去猜想越是想要流泪
即使拭去忍不住涌出的泪水
浮现一段又一段的往日回忆
令我止不在住悲伤哭泣
总是只有接受这令我后悔不已
又怕你会忘了不懂付出的我
爱你我我是爱你的
曾向你学到的许多话语中
惟独这句话像是口头禅一样
让我一个像个傻瓜似的
让我不断喃喃自语
对不起真的
真的对不起
连迟来的这句话也感到抱歉
但我仍不顾自尊的等着你
也许明天能盼到你回来吧!

thinking of him once again

2006-12-12T09:07:00.000-08:00

it's 1 am in the morning now and i'm here blogging...well, it doesnt matter if no one view my blog, i dun need anyone to do that infact, to me, this blog is like my secret territory, whereby no one knows and dares to enter. jus finished watching princess hours again, god knows i have watched it how many umpteen times. everytime i watched the show, i'm bound to tear. the song played in the show made me thought of him once again. i ever tell myself not to cry for him ever again, but my tears just dun listen to my command. it had been 4 years, 4 long years. i was only 12 years and 9 months when i knew him, and i'm now 17 in a few more days. how long more do i need to actually forget him totally. i've triied many ways, but i just cant seem to do it. my first love. or should i say my first sided love. if i could, i would really want to forget him totally. really. the thought of him hurts my badly. really. even if i made up my mind to forget him, my eyes still remember his looks, my ears still remeber his voice. my heart still remembers the words he once said and longs for him. wad more can i do. i have no idea. time heals wounds. really. if the wound was too deep? let's say time really heals wounds, but if the wound's too deep, there're bound to be scars, scars never go off, it will always stays and remind you in your heart. like a broken cup, even if you paste it back into its original shape, the cracks remains. forever. just a word. just a hug. just a look. that's all i wanted. am i asking for too much? am i too greedy? am i?

contradiction

2006-12-10T06:25:00.000-08:00

well, sometimes i find myself rather contradicting, i missed school when i started working, i missed work when i started schooling. lolx...how funny can i be....now that i'm bloggin, my parents are out there in the living room screaming at each other, dunno for wad reason, i have no idea. i'm trying not to be bothered and not let my thoughts run wild. hmwk piling up like nobody's business and i have yet to even make the effort to look through despite the fact that school's starting in 2 weeks time....the most i'll get all the cold shoulders and scoldings from my teachers, wad eva la, so wad if i'm taking my alevels this coming year. it wasnt the original path that i chose to take, it never was and it had never been, if not for my two "dear" parents insisting on me going into the jc and then to the uni, i guess i would have been enjoying myself, socialising with my poly friends tat i had planned to do so. alot said that i'm not cut out for poly, simply for a reason, i'm a mugger. for goodness sake, have you ever seen a mugger do last minute work, have you ever seen a mugger not revising and reading her notes even it was just 15minutes before the promotional exam, will a mugger not know anything about that subject and just sit in for the paper. will they? well, in that case, how can i be a mugger when you hardly see books on my hands. what makes those who said i'm not cut out fot poly think that i'll be cut out for the jc system. things are really getting outta hand lately...gosh... i'm so lost...

Service Learning 33o6 in the year 2oo6.

2006-12-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

well, this is not the first time i'm doing some community involvement project, but it's the first thing i'm doing this project which we called it Service Learning as a class on a whole, i really really had fun! other than the kids who simply ruined the whole enjoyable camp. kids are nothing but rubbish. crappy. irritating. liers. fools. crooks. disguisting. noisy. childish. rough. rowdy. wadeva they are, they're just not my cup of tea. yes, undoubtly, i was once a kid, but from wad i know, from wad i hear, and from what i can remember, i was a very quiet, reserved and obedient girl. well, wad's wrong with keeping your mouth shut untill you're told that you can talk. wad's wrong! yes, we are born with a mouth to talk, but only to talk when necessary. anyway, coming back to the main subject, i think the class really did get more bonded and close through working and bringing success to the camp. i realise daryl actually wasnt that bad after all, he's friendly person, but he just dont like to talk as much. hilyah wasnt that reserved afetrall, i found out that she can really dance and is a very nice lady to talk to and work with. wenzhao is i think the most responsible person in our class, without him, i guess the camp wont be able to be so successful actually. wanding, heh, like me, we both hate kids, and we found out that we both have so much simlarities between each other...giggles...sylvia gets very emotional at times but will cool down afterawhile, she can really stand kids...peiqi, i found out she's very efficient and really good at making videos and the media stuff. she's a really nice person to work with, cause she makes people feel good with her presence. hui jie, she has the leadership potential and has been wenzhao's helping hand, and she hops from group to group..heh...farhana, i realise she can be very fun at times and very serious at times, she can really play with the kids but when it comes to getting work done, she make sures her group does it the right way. heh...yong and alvina, the both of them were in emerald, heh...the most enthu. group, with ja,es included, the three of them really allow the kids to enjoy themselves. they will be good kindergarden teachers. but yong ar, cannot be so soft hearted towards the kids la, you give them a sweet, they demand for a whole packet of them, it's not gd...heh, james, your christmas gift really surprises me alot, i'm very very very very touched okie....yujia, heh, finally she sees the evil side of the kids, a young lady with full of love for the kids but got irritated eventually...heh... sri, the photographer, didnt know she can take photos so well...i enjoyed the treasure hunt.. nas and guowei the two lucky chaps. they got the best and most well behaved group ruby and i can see that they're really passionate about their duty as the group leaders, entertaining them, teaching them patiently, attracting their attention, kelvin, hehe...opal! opal! that's the most common word i heard from his mouth for that past three days... i really missed the times....thank you ms chan for the treat at sercet recipe, the food was very nice indeed. yummm.... i missed the days we practiced the dance it's gonna be me and then game island we played in reading room, it all seemed like yesterday...haiz....miss 33o6....

2006-12-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

some people asked me recently, why dun you add a cbos into your blog, well, for one simple reason, i dun like to chat with people, and the cbox will then be inactive, thus, to save the trouble of creating an account, chosse the colour of the cbos and blah blah blah, i have decided not to add it into my blog, and i would appreciate if people could keep their comments to themselves, hey ppl, this is my blog, my world, my life, so dun be an old hag to come comment on anything in my blog, your understanding is very much appreciated by the owner of this blog.

fate

2006-12-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

well, i guess the first time when i heard the song of this name, i have alreally fallen for it... fate, what a name for a song, i started to falll in love with the melody, the tune, the way the singer sang this song... it brought me back to my memories, where i got to know him by chance, and been in the same camp, same group, he was the assistant camp commandant then, and he was the first guy who hold my hands and assure me that with him around, i wont get hurt. i was only thirteen then. i remembered vivdly that we're playing a game called the faith walk, we were all blindfolded, and i was right behind him, we were all supposed to put our hands on the shoulders of the person infront of us, halfway through the game, i lost touch of his shoulders, i felt really afraid at that point of time, with nothing but darkness and no one i could hold on to, suddenly there came a pair of hands and grabbed hold of me, a voice came into my ears, dun be afraid and just hold on tight to me, you'll be safe with me around. i guess it was from then onwards, i fell in love with this guy standing right infront of me. but sometimes things just dun go as the way we want it to be, isnt it....

Hatred

Clubbing

Songs

Hectic start for a new semester

因为他太傻。。。智厚他好傻

Korean Poetry

boys over flower korean

Abin - 坏人

几米

Dear Friend

希望你幸福

Again, another personality test.

Impressive video

Westlife - Swear it again

Commentary on Eclipse

Show of Hands - Country Life (Geograhphy)

Campus Superstar 2oo8 - 范平庚

o8o9 Sem2

我的快乐 钢琴演奏版

A sum up of 2008

lk@work

他 - 爱情

带我走 和 同一个遗憾

带我走 和 同一个遗憾

不良笑花 戏后的感触

Ding and Lk outing

你没想像中爱我

星梦

JJlin: 我还想他

你曾经让我心动

Enriching Conversation w/marcel @ NLB mac

thoughts after a CMC chat with Marcel

小宇 - 唯一的唯一

Fond memories at ehub kbox with the girls

The aftermath of fooling around in school

"talk cock" video by Hossan Leong

Personality Quiz

Update

My attitude

the embarrassing moment

Scars

Tears of the Polaris

三十次左右 - Kyo

bad mood.

screwed up

lethargic

lyrics

thinking of him once again

contradiction

Service Learning 33o6 in the year 2oo6.

fate

我的快乐钢琴演奏版

带我走　和　同一个遗憾

带我走和同一个遗憾

不良笑花戏后的感触