have been working lately, huuhn...tired. today josie called and asked me to go back to the ngee ann outlet to help out. well, i told her it shouldnt be a problem to me, but i'm not sure if century square would have enough people to help alice out. huh, i hate chekcing boxes leh...today i made a whole mess out of the boxes. haiz. homework....homework...homwork...aiyooo...

一如昨日般的再次想念
想你的心丝毫不曾减少
总是浮现你的身影
越去猜想 越是想要流泪
即使拭去忍不住涌出的泪水
浮现一段又一段的往日回忆
令我止不在住悲伤哭泣
总是只有接受这令我后悔不已
又怕你会忘了不懂付出的我
爱你 我 我是爱你的
曾向你学到的许多话语中
惟独这句话像是口头禅一样
让我一个像个傻瓜似的
让我不断喃喃自语
对不起 真的
真的对不起
连迟来的这句话也感到抱歉
但我仍不顾自尊的等着你
也许明天能盼到你回来吧!

it's 1 am in the morning now and i'm here blogging...well, it doesnt matter if no one view my blog, i dun need anyone to do that infact, to me, this blog is like my secret territory, whereby no one knows and dares to enter. jus finished watching princess hours again, god knows i have watched it how many umpteen times. everytime i watched the show, i'm bound to tear. the song played in the show made me thought of him once again. i ever tell myself not to cry for him ever again, but my tears just dun listen to my command. it had been 4 years, 4 long years. i was only 12 years and 9 months when i knew him, and i'm now 17 in a few more days. how long more do i need to actually forget him totally. i've triied many ways, but i just cant seem to do it. my first love. or should i say my first sided love. if i could, i would really want to forget him totally. really. the thought of him hurts my badly. really. even if i made up my mind to forget him, my eyes still remember his looks, my ears still remeber his voice. my heart still remembers the words he once said and longs for him. wad more can i do. i have no idea. time heals wounds. really. if the wound was too deep? let's say time really heals wounds, but if the wound's too deep, there're bound to be scars, scars never go off, it will always stays and remind you in your heart. like a broken cup, even if you paste it back into its original shape, the cracks remains. forever. just a word. just a hug. just a look. that's all i wanted. am i asking for too much? am i too greedy? am i?

well, sometimes i find myself rather contradicting, i missed school when i started working, i missed work when i started schooling. lolx...how funny can i be....now that i'm bloggin, my parents are out there in the living room screaming at each other, dunno for wad reason, i have no idea. i'm trying not to be bothered and not let my thoughts run wild. hmwk piling up like nobody's business and i have yet to even make the effort to look through despite the fact that school's starting in 2 weeks time....the most i'll get all the cold shoulders and scoldings from my teachers, wad eva la, so wad if i'm taking my alevels this coming year. it wasnt the original path that i chose to take, it never was and it had never been, if not for my two "dear" parents insisting on me going into the jc and then to the uni, i guess i would have been enjoying myself, socialising with my poly friends tat i had planned to do so. alot said that i'm not cut out for poly, simply for a reason, i'm a mugger. for goodness sake, have you ever seen a mugger do last minute work, have you ever seen a mugger not revising and reading her notes even it was just 15minutes before the promotional exam, will a mugger not know anything about that subject and just sit in for the paper. will they? well, in that case, how can i be a mugger when you hardly see books on my hands. what makes those who said i'm not cut out fot poly think that i'll be cut out for the jc system. things are really getting outta hand lately...gosh... i'm so lost...

well, this is not the first time i'm doing some community involvement project, but it's the first thing i'm doing this project which we called it Service Learning as a class on a whole, i really really had fun! other than the kids who simply ruined the whole enjoyable camp. kids are nothing but rubbish. crappy. irritating. liers. fools. crooks. disguisting. noisy. childish. rough. rowdy. wadeva they are, they're just not my cup of tea. yes, undoubtly, i was once a kid, but from wad i know, from wad i hear, and from what i can remember, i was a very quiet, reserved and obedient girl. well, wad's wrong with keeping your mouth shut untill you're told that you can talk. wad's wrong! yes, we are born with a mouth to talk, but only to talk when necessary. anyway, coming back to the main subject, i think the class really did get more bonded and close through working and bringing success to the camp. i realise daryl actually wasnt that bad after all, he's friendly person, but he just dont like to talk as much. hilyah wasnt that reserved afetrall, i found out that she can really dance and is a very nice lady to talk to and work with. wenzhao is i think the most responsible person in our class, without him, i guess the camp wont be able to be so successful actually. wanding, heh, like me, we both hate kids, and we found out that we both have so much simlarities between each other...giggles...sylvia gets very emotional at times but will cool down afterawhile, she can really stand kids...peiqi, i found out she's very efficient and really good at making videos and the media stuff. she's a really nice person to work with, cause she makes people feel good with her presence. hui jie, she has the leadership potential and has been wenzhao's helping hand, and she hops from group to group..heh...farhana, i realise she can be very fun at times and very serious at times, she can really play with the kids but when it comes to getting work done, she make sures her group does it the right way. heh...yong and alvina, the both of them were in emerald, heh...the most enthu. group, with ja,es included, the three of them really allow the kids to enjoy themselves. they will be good kindergarden teachers. but yong ar, cannot be so soft hearted towards the kids la, you give them a sweet, they demand for a whole packet of them, it's not gd...heh, james, your christmas gift really surprises me alot, i'm very very very very touched okie....yujia, heh, finally she sees the evil side of the kids, a young lady with full of love for the kids but got irritated eventually...heh... sri, the photographer, didnt know she can take photos so well...i enjoyed the treasure hunt.. nas and guowei the two lucky chaps. they got the best and most well behaved group ruby and i can see that they're really passionate about their duty as the group leaders, entertaining them, teaching them patiently, attracting their attention, kelvin, hehe...opal! opal! that's the most common word i heard from his mouth for that past three days... i really missed the times....thank you ms chan for the treat at sercet recipe, the food was very nice indeed. yummm.... i missed the days we practiced the dance it's gonna be me and then game island we played in reading room, it all seemed like yesterday...haiz....miss 33o6....

some people asked me recently, why dun you add a cbos into your blog, well, for one simple reason, i dun like to chat with people, and the cbox will then be inactive, thus, to save the trouble of creating an account, chosse the colour of the cbos and blah blah blah, i have decided not to add it into my blog, and i would appreciate if people could keep their comments to themselves, hey ppl, this is my blog, my world, my life, so dun be an old hag to come comment on anything in my blog, your understanding is very much appreciated by the owner of this blog.

well, i guess the first time when i heard the song of this name, i have alreally fallen for it... fate, what a name for a song, i started to falll in love with the melody, the tune, the way the singer sang this song... it brought me back to my memories, where i got to know him by chance, and been in the same camp, same group, he was the assistant camp commandant then, and he was the first guy who hold my hands and assure me that with him around, i wont get hurt. i was only thirteen then. i remembered vivdly that we're playing a game called the faith walk, we were all blindfolded, and i was right behind him, we were all supposed to put our hands on the shoulders of the person infront of us, halfway through the game, i lost touch of his shoulders, i felt really afraid at that point of time, with nothing but darkness and no one i could hold on to, suddenly there came a pair of hands and grabbed hold of me, a voice came into my ears, dun be afraid and just hold on tight to me, you'll be safe with me around. i guess it was from then onwards, i fell in love with this guy standing right infront of me. but sometimes things just dun go as the way we want it to be, isnt it....